Who the fuck would have thought getting cancer was going to be such a world wind of events? Not me! Not to the point of going from one doctors appointment to another. There’s the breast surgeon. The asshole who was very nonchalant with his mannerisms and behavior. You’d think that I came in with a fucking pimple on my ass. My firs breast surgeon apparently performs needle core biopsies in the office without anesthesia. Lucky for me that he was unable to do my biopsy because my DCIS was so tiny. I might have died of a heart attack in the office if he tried to give me one. Well than there was Dr K. He was the one who performed a biopsy on me. luckily he used anesthetic on me and plenty of it. With all that said, that biopsy was less than pleasant to say the least. My Dr was compassionate and patient unlike the breast surgeon. I am terribly needle phobic and came in on 10 mg of Valium. I was fucking stoned as hell. I don’t even drink and it was like wo, holy shit girl you can’t even walk straight. Waiting for results are pure hell. For those of you who have had any kind of biopsies or cancer related tests, know exactly what I mean. What the hell do I do now that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer? Ah go and see an oncologist why don’t I? Yes that’s what I was told I needed to do. So, here I come. I brought my neighbor with me because I didn’t have the mental strength to go alone. The oncologist told me at my initial appointment that I didn’t need chemo. Haha Boy that was going to be a fucking joke in the long run. He advised me that he was going to run a oncotype dx test on my tumor. Who ever thought my test was going to come back as 25? Not my Dr! He was shocked as fuck. Same look on his face as when I told him I was BRCA2 positive. He didn’t think that was going to happen wither. Jokes on me. Well what this mean is that I had a low to intermediate chance of getting my cancer back. I had a 17% chance of reoccurrence. Chemo was going to cut that number is half. So what’s the big deal about that figure? Well that and my BRCA Kaka mutation is what the big deal was. That and the fact that I was 41 years young. My tumor was 1 mm over. Yes one shitty mm did me in and was sending me off to chemo land. Countless appointments later, with another oncologist at Sloan Kettering, the breast surgeon, plastic surgeon. Another PS appointment at Maimonides breast cancer center with a breast surgeon, and plastic surgeon. They all told me what they recommended and what they would do to me. It’s always nice when you have absolutely no control of what is going to happen to you next. You feel like a small little aunt in a huge world as if someone is going to stomp on you, yikes! I remember clearly crying on my way back home on the train. I was petrified of doing chemo. Knowing I had no choice really sucked. Would I chance not doing chemo over one lousy mm? Just one mm! sigh, no I wasn’t. Anyone who knows me knows that I am no push over. I feel very confident that I did all my research and that I didn’t just do what my initial breast surgeon told me to do. My persistence has saved my life and brought me to this journey. Remember, always go with your gut. Know that you are not alone. There is always that second and like in my case third opinion. Reach out to other support groups and people who have gone through a similar journey as you did. Know that nothing is permanent. You are strong, tenacious and you can do this. Your destination unknown will be no more.