In Loving Memory of my Breasts

IMG_2662.jpgI decided to dedicate this piece to my breasts, or should I say what use to be my breasts. It donned on me as I was laying in bed last night and attempting to get into a comfortable position with these foobs, just how much I missed my old saggy breasts. what was I was missing here?  I’ll tell you one thing, these foobs may look fantastic and all , but absolutely do not feel anything like my real breasts.

I had my mastectomy in 2014. Fond memories came rushing back to me when I had my actual breasts.  Who would ever known that sleeping on ones stomach would be not only a thing of the past, but absolutely impossible. I thought to myself, what I would give to sleep one more night comfortably on my stomach.  What I would give to feel comfort in my chest, instead of feeling two awkward foreign objects that are just sitting there.  Yes they not only do not feel like my real breasts, but comfort seems to be a thing of the past.

Remember when you squeezed your girls into anything and everything you can possibly think of? Well if you are a mastectomy patient, that is definitely a thing of the past.  There is absolutely no way of squeezing these plastic tits into anything. Also I have permanent pain in my right arm and not to mention the chest from having three lymph node removed due to my cnacer. That is the price I have to pay for being a mutant.  It’s a price that all of the mastectomy patients have to pay.  Having this surgery was a life altering decision. I was more than willing to pay the price for staying alive.

On a positive note, I am here and thriving.  I am much luckier than a lot of our sisters and brothers who are still fighting the good fight.  I am blessed to have a family I love and fur babies who bring joy into my world.  I learned to appreciate the little things in life that I use to take for granted.  I’ve had to learn how to pace myself and leave it for another day.  I feel whole and womanly with my body.  Not that I wouldn’t love to lose 10lbs or so lol.  I have found a new passion for my misfortune for advocacy and helping others. Life is pretty good. I am still going through residual affects, after all my cancer and treatments, but I am managing one day at a time.  that’s all any of us can do. So au revoir boobies and bonjour foobies. May we have a long and beautiful life together.


4 thoughts on “In Loving Memory of my Breasts

  1. Hi. Congratulations on your blog. You write with passion and fervour. It’s a visceral read!

    I don’t want to offend but I’m concerned that the pain you suffer you describe as the price that “all of the mastectomy patients have to pay”. I want to provide another view to the women who read this and are frightened.

    I have had a double mastectomy and reconstruction, following a sentinal node biopsy, lumpectomy, a re-excision for margins and chemo. My reconstruction was a DIEP, the type that uses your belly flesh. My foobs are soft, warm and malleable. And I can lie on my stomach! I am five months post-operation and have occasional nerve pain that shoots through as they try to reconnect but other than that, they are pain free and do not feel foreign. Apart from having little to no sensation, and the absence of nipples!

    I’m sorry you still experience pain. It really is a shit of a disease. It took my sister two years ago. My mother had it at my age so there’s something going on in my family. It’s not BRCA1 or 2. I’m currently waiting on test results for the CHEK2 gene mutation.

    I hope this finds you well.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Kate I’m sorry that I’m replying so late. I hope you are well. I think you misunderstood me. What I meant was those of us who have had a mastectomy with implants as well as a lot of cancer patients. I’m so glad you are happy with your reconstruction. I am happy with mine as well. Let’s be real, it’s a life altering change and it’s a new adjustment for all of us. I was wondering what your genetic results were? A DIEP is very different than getting implants. They both have their plus and minuses.


    • I tested positive for a CHEK2 mutation, the 1263delT. It put me at a 66% chance of breast cancer but fortunately doesn’t impact chance of recurrence. It increases my chance of bowel cancer (colonoscopy soon), and a bunch of others. Each of my kids has a 50% chance of having it and for the boys it means increased prostate cancer risk. Sucks. But what can you do? I plod on.


      • I’m sorry you tested positive. Unfortunately we now have to worry about our children testing positive as well. We too have to worry about colon cancer. I hope your colonoscopy went well and that you are doing ok. We can only take one day at a time. Sending you gentle virtual hugs.


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